Mar 27, 2007
Friendship
Friendship is a bond that makes people stay together. It is made up by having someone whom you can trust, have a good time with and who well always be there for you. It is something that is irreplaceable and it's very hard to find. Friendship doesn't revolve around how much money the other person makes or how the other person look or nothing in the way, but how two people can relate to one another and share happiness. It's a relationship between friends that builds on loyalty, communication, understanding and affection. It's no possession, no exigency, no obligations, only freedom and mutual support. It is something that doesn't have price. It's starts since the infancy, when the parents are who inculcate to the kids the worth true about friendship, which is very important. Friendship are the feelings that exist between friends and become to be strong through of the years.
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6 comments:
Hi Sara, you wrote the interesting paragraph, but ask yourself a question, is it the academic definition paragraph?
You used in the paragraph a lot of adjective clauses. Good job!
Your paragraph is written nicely, but I think it is not a definition paragraph.
Topic sentence/Concluding Sentence:
You made some good changes in your topic.
Three supporting ideas:
You give good examples. You can just include the description of different characteristics of a friend with out the good personal experiences. Remember we are trying to move towards more academic writing and less person writing.
Transitions/Vocabulary:
Try to use transitions to connect your ideas.
friendship and friend are different and can't always be used in the same way.
Grammar/Adjective Clauses:
Good clauses, she is a person who gives more and expects less
people is non-count, no the before..
Friendship is non-count, so you don't need the before it.
Friend is count, so you need a before it.
Check third person singular (i.e. somebody has problems, somebody dies)
I met her in Cleveland...
hey sara whats up ......?
i like your paragraph really good subject.
good moments that you share with your friendships....
instead of frienships you shouls use friends you share things with friends .
I knew here in Cleveland many years ago and since then we have a nice friendship.
i lost you here you knew who or what ..... i know you meant your friend but you may say i knew him here in cleveland.
check your punctuation and good luck
good paragraph sara. u have one mistake (its starts) u shold say it starts..
Topic/Concluding Sentence: .25
Great!
3 supporting ideas: .20
You have many good ideas. Try to focus on three main ideas and give examples.
Transitions/Vocabulary: .15
Use transitions like first, second and third to help the reader find your main ideas.
made up or consists of
will not well
raise not inculcate
Grammar/Adjective Clauses: .15
Good clauses
it is
other person looks
It starts from infancy
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