Endocarditis is an infection of the lining of the heart valves that occurs when bacteria for your mouth or other parts of the body lodge in the heart. Although people who develop endocarditis have similar symptoms, nowadays there are more progressive methods of diagnosed and treated this sickness.
Infection of endocarditis can get from certain dental or medical procedures, other infections or diseases, or catheters and needles. Fever, chills, unexplained weight loss, tenderness in the spleen, and new heart murmur are some of the signs and symptoms which also have people whom infected by endocarditis. It is diagnosed with blood tests, echocardiogram, transesophageal, , or chest x-rayare. Endocarditis should be treated promptly with antibiotics. If left untreated it can cause clumps of bacteria or vegetations to form in your heart valves. In fact, these clumps can break loose and travel to your brain, lungs, abdominal organs or kidneys. This may cause a stroke, neurological changes and organ damage.
4 comments:
I read your paragraph and it sound good to me . You have a good topic end good details, but I noticed that you didn't use many adjective clauses such as: which,whom,who,that..but it's a good paragraph. If you use more adjectives it will look a lot better.Is only a comment good job.
I see you are very informed in medical terminology. You did a good job. I will never be able to know so many terms. What I have noticed is that the concluding sentence is unclear to me.
Topic sentence/Concluding Sentence:
The first two sentences are unclear and incomplete. You can start the paragraph with the definition and then use the ideas from the second sentence as an outline for your paragraph to help your reader know what you are going to talk about.
We have seen that Endocarditis is a dangerous sickness of the heart that can lead to heavy consequences if is not treated in time.
Three supporting ideas:
Great!
Causes
Signs
Diagnosis
Results
How could these ideas be more logically connected?
Transitions/Vocabulary:
Great use of this/these
What do mean by vegetations (growths)
Grammar/Adjective Clauses:
It occurs when bacteria from your mouth..
Someone can be infected through certain dental...
I didn't find any adjective clauses. You need to use at least two.
Topic/Concluding: .15 Great definition. What happened to your concluding sentence?
3 Supporting Ideas: .20
Second sentence is out of place.
You need a subject for this sentence "infection of endocarditis can .."
i.e. People can get infected with endocarditis from.
Transition/Vocabulary: .25
You used many difficult vocabulary words!
vegetation is usually used with gardening. You could say growths
Grammar/Adjective Clauses: .20
Good try on the adjective clause.
symptoms which/that people who have endocarditis suffer..
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