Feb 7, 2007
The Social Live in America
Before i came here to the United States of America I used to have many friends , we used to go out very often and have really good time . I thought it will be easy to make friends here in the United States , but later on i found out how hard it is to make friends . People here are not friendly , that is true that they say hi all the time with a big smile , but it does not mean that they want to be your friends . And many people here don't like foreigners . People here try to keep themselves busy all the time , and they do not socialized , maybe they do at work . But out side its almost nothing except for hanging out at the bars , even at the bars the same people who works together they meet there too is not that funny . People do not trust each other that easy here , and they always want to know what you mean or what is your purpose of saying this and that , especially the girls , I dont think that i will be able to understand their mentality , and that's only here , today they love you tomorrow they hate you . I have been here for almost 2 years and I have only 2 or 3 friends , but its better than nothing . Now you can call me home sick cause I keep remember all the good times I spent with my friends there and wish if they were her . The loneliness I am experiencing is really hard and never been through before . And I just thought it will be easy to socialize around here and make a lot of friends , but what shall I say now , welcome to the United States .
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4 comments:
Thank you for your comments. I corrected my post. I have some comments on your post.
1- grammar mistakes. Forienginers, not forieginers;don't,not dont.
2- lexical mistakes. 1 sentence: we used to go out very often and had ( not "have") really good time. 2 sentence: not "will", you need "would" .5 sentence:people who work together. 6 sentence :you can't use "love", you must use "like". Last sentence: welcome to the United States, you need "".
A lot of your sentences are strong.But I agree with you.People here are not as open as in my country. :-)
thank u for your comment.I fixed my mistake.I have some comment for you:
you should type I,not i
In essay,you can not type don't,that's ,you should type do not,that is
your sentence too long, you should use puncuation.
you did not use some word relate to 5 senses(try make some word)
Thank you for sharing your ideas. I am sorry it has been so difficult for you here.
You know my suggestions by these ().
How are your first and last sentence connected?
Capitalize I
but later on i found out how hard (it is) to make friends.
them selves - themeselves
People do not trust each other that easy here , and they always want to know what you mean or what is your purpose of saying this and that especially the girls , I dont think that i will be able to understand their mentality , and that's only here , today they love you tomorrow they hate you.
This is called a run-on sentence. You need to make this 1 sentence into two or three shorter sentences. It makes it easier for readers to understand.
"they meet there too is not that funny" confusing.
mangle- confusing. Can you think of another word?
Topic/Concluding sentences .25
Supporting sentences.20
Sometimes your ideas are unclear or hard to understand because they are very long.
5 Senses/vocabulary
.15 Try to use 5 senses to describe your experiences.
Grammar/punctuation .10 Very long sentences. Replace commas(,) with periods (.)
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