When I arrived to the United States, I was surprised about many things.
Number one is overweight people. I had never seen so many fat people in another countries. The second, everything seems to be gigantic. For instants, all around me is so big. If it is mall-it is big, if it is road or houses, or airport- all is big. The third, there is no homeless animals on the streets.
Well,each country has its pros and cons, but my first impression of this country "BIG", "BEAUTIFUL" and "FRIENDLY".
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6 comments:
hey i read your article and its nice but you have some mistakes like its america and not ameriKa and its giant not gigant other than that its cool just like you
volha sweety when ask a question about the subject we always use the verb in the basic form so : people who works(not work ) ok then we i said we used to have good time (its correct after used to we use the basic form of the verb which is have , had is in the past just in case if you dont know )
when i read your comment i said to my self oh my god my writing should be really bad but its ok , i just wana know why cant i use love , you can use love instead of like nothing wrong with that , and sweety dont use the word MUST its not good , and i cant see any thing wrongg with the last sentence , then i said : i thought it will be easy ( when you talk about the past as if you are in the past now , we can ask the teacher about that ). and about the love and like i ment the love (deep meaning ok i will tell you later about that ) so thank you sweet volha i really enjoy your comment and see you tomorrow.....
How do your first and last sentence connect?
Good adjectives. I like your transitions, but you can make a few changes to help the reader.
Instead of "Number one",
First,
Second,
Third,
For instance,
Can you explain more about no homeless animals on the streets? Why is that surprising to you?
Can you think of other senses you could use to describe these ideas besides sight?
You talk about beautiful and friendly in your last sentence, but you don't talk about them in the paragraph.
Topic/Concluding sentences: .10 Connect first and last sentence more.
Supporting Sentences: .15 Good organization of ideas. Add more.
5 Senses/Vocabulary: .15 You use some nice adjectives. Add more about 5 senses.
Grammar/Punctuation: .15 Subject and verb agreement and incomplete sentences(i.e. There are no homeless animals)
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