Two years ago I finished University in Belarus. I'm an accountant. I chose this profession because my favorite subjects at school were mathematics and economy. I think, I possess a special aptitude for numbers and a close attention to detail. In America I want to be accountant too.
The first, what I need to do is learning English. For that goal I take ESL classes . The second, I need to make evaluation of my diploma and I'll have some degree. Then I'll go to Tri-C to meet with a Counselor and ask him which classes I need to take. After that I'll take this classes and begin to study. I'll do all my best to study well and to become a perfect accountant.
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6 comments:
your sentenses are week ,
Then I'll go to Tri-C to meet with a Counsellor and ask I'll ask him which classes.
ans ask which classes i need to take ...... not ask i will ask
-The first, what I need to do is learning English.
its really confusing...... you can say the first thing i need to do is to learn english .
-For its I take classes .
whats that exactly .........for its what is its........
you should spent more time on your writing
and check your spelling......
anyway good luck i just saw that no one comment on your writing so i felt sorry for you .......
Hi volha.
I'm giving you some advices to make the paragraph better. First, the number on the first sentence must to written in letters. Next, the transitions are always with comma after like Then, after. I don't understad this sentece Then I'll go to Tri-C to meet with a Counsellor and ask I'll ask him which classes I need to take. Also, check the spelling like Counsellor(counselor) and favourite(favorite) I hope my advices will help you to make the paragraph better. I wish good luck in your goal.
Volha, trust me, the best, most enjoyable and fastest way to learn to speak english is by WATCHING A LOT OF CABLE TV. Seriously. Watch hollywood films all the time and read a lot of english books and before you know it, you speak and sound American (if you want that). You may e-mail me at cerxs@yahoo.com for anything. Well, except for money, ayt? :)
Good title
Intresting introduction
Avoid contraction I'll. It is not used in formal writing.
You have made some good changes on your transition, but they can still be improved.
You can use First, or The first thing that I need to do is learn English.
What do you mean make evaluation of my diploma. Can you explain more clearly?
I will take these classes.
Hi Volhechka!!!
You made very good, exciting biginning, telling why you chose execlly this profesion. Howewer the main part of your topic is too small. There aren't enough figure steps out.
So, my advise is did your main part over and your topic is going to greate.
Also one more: "I take ESL classes" - I think it will be much better to say in present progressive this sentence.
Good luck!!!
Topic/Concluding Sentence: .20 Good. They could be connected even more.
Supporting Sentence: .20 Most of your sentences are clear. See confusing sentences on my first comments.
Transitions/Vocabulary: .20 You use some great words like aptitude, profession, and degree
The is not necessary before first or second
Grammar/Punctuation: .15 comma not necessary after "I think"
Avoid contractions
couselor is lower case, unless it is a specific title for a person.
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