I like animals so I would like to become a veterinary technologist.
In order to accomplish this plan I must to do several important things.
At first, I must learn English well. Next ,I should take science,biology
and math courses which prepare me to pass exam to the accredited
college. Before this I need to pass the TOEFL exam. While I am studying
in college I have to work to get practical skills in a clinical , laboratory
setting. After, graduate college I will get bachelor's degree in veterinary
technology. Then, I can to take the credentialing exam and graduate
from an AMA-accredited veterinary program. Passing the State exam
assure the public that I have knowledge to work in a veterinary clinic or
hospital.
My major obtained in Poland is quite different from this field therefore
it will be not easy for me. However, I hope to do this in the future.
In order to accomplish this plan I must to do several important things.
At first, I must learn English well. Next ,I should take science,biology
and math courses which prepare me to pass exam to the accredited
college. Before this I need to pass the TOEFL exam. While I am studying
in college I have to work to get practical skills in a clinical , laboratory
setting. After, graduate college I will get bachelor's degree in veterinary
technology. Then, I can to take the credentialing exam and graduate
from an AMA-accredited veterinary program. Passing the State exam
assure the public that I have knowledge to work in a veterinary clinic or
hospital.
My major obtained in Poland is quite different from this field therefore
it will be not easy for me. However, I hope to do this in the future.
6 comments:
Sounds like a very interesting and challenging carreer. I wish you good luck in all the steps that you have to follow. I suggest you check the spaces between your sentences.
I like your paragraph. I wish you good luck in the future.Check your punctuation.
Hi Margaret! Your ideas are clear and your goal is near to me because I also like animals. May I suggest for your title? "How to become a Veterinary Technologist". And perhaps you should use a verb "become" in your topic sentence.
In my opinion it is not necessary to use the future tense in your last sentence. It is enough to say "I hope to ...".
Clear topic sentence
Good transitions
You can delete the spaces inbetween your sentences.
You need two spaces after each period.
realize is similiar to recognize or learn new information. I think a better verb would be accomplish.
"clinical and laboratory
setting." and is not necessary
"Then, I can to take the credentialing exam and graduation
from an AMA-accredited veterinary program."
graduation is a noun. What is the verb you need instead?
Clear topic sentence
Good transitions
You can delete the spaces inbetween your sentences.
You need two spaces after each period.
realize is similiar to recognize or learn new information. I think a better verb would be accomplish.
"clinical and laboratory
setting." and is not necessary
"Then, I can to take the credentialing exam and graduation
from an AMA-accredited veterinary program."
graduation is a noun. What is the verb you need instead?
Topic/Concluding .25 Great
Supporting Sentences .25 good logical organization of ideas
Transitions/Vocabulary .25
First (instead of At first,- ask me in class about the difference)
You use very specific vocabulary for your field of study.
Grammar/Punctuation .15
Check spaces with commas
After, I graduate college (you need a subject)
Passing the State exam assures (you need an s at end of verb)
Then I can take (no comma after then and no to after can)
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