Apr 25, 2007

A Big World-Wide Problem


Beside drugs, the alcoholism is the second big problem all over the world. Many doctors and psychologists have been working on this big issue. The psychologists found what cause the alcoholism, and some solutions to combat it.
The causes of making people to start drinking vary.
One cause is the family. If children saw it in their houses, most of them will become drink addict. Usually, in this category are found people who become from the poverty of the society.
Another cause is given by the deception in love. Many persons who got into a deception in love are drowning themselves into Bah's liquor (the god of the drink).
For example, the well known singer Britney Spears is an illustrative person who fit with this cause. Since she broke out with her husband, she started to drink and to neglect her children.
In addition, peer pressure leads many youth to drink. For instance, if they want to fit into a certain group, they have to do what the group's rule is.
To struggle against all of these causes, specialists found some solutions.
For the first cause, the best solution is that this kind of drinking people have to be under medical supervision, and to get enrolled in groups that share these issues. Since they are so weak and poor to do it by themselves, the society has to get involved, and help them to make the right decision.
For those who fell into drinking passion because of the deception in love, such as Britney Spears, they have to go to a rehabilitation program. Also, they can overcome it only if they really want to.
As a solution for peer pressure, America's educational system included the education in schools but, it is not enough.The education has to continue in the family, too. Also, everybody has to watch over the friends that they want to make.
In other words, if everybody will give a bit of their time, of their power of saying NO when it has to be NO, the word's drinking problems will disappear. Because every cause has at least one solution, the option of using it is about how strong is the wish of getting rid of this bad behavior.


2 comments:

ESL Teacher said...

Topic/Concluding/Thesis:
Alcoholism is one of the biggest global problems.
Great thesis!

Good topic sentences for other paragraphs.

The conclusion should restate your causes and solutions.

Causes/Solutions:
Good ideas and examples. Well-organized.
Some of your ideas are unclear because of the way you organize the grammar in the sentence. Read your essay outloud to help you make your ideas more clear.


Transitions/Vocabulary:
Good use of new transitions. Here are some suggestions to help you.

The causes that make people start to drink vary - are variate

One cause is family.

In addition, peer pressure leads many youth to drink.
make the right decision.

pass over - overcome


Grammar/Adverb Clauses:
second biggest problem
,but it has to bring real examples (confusing idea)

ESL Teacher said...

Topic/Concluding/Thesis .25


3 causes/3 solutions .25

3 transitions/3 new vocabulary .25

Grammar/ 3 adverb clauses .15