When I came in U.S.A. a lot of things surprised me and were new for me, but the most surprising thing was the huge stores.
It was in 1999 December 5-th, when I arrived first time in America at New York. My husband, who that time was my fiance, was waiting for me there. Everything seemed strange and huge for me: the airport, big airplanes, New York as a big crowded city with huge, tall buildings. I have not seen before something like that just on TV. When we finally arrived home in Cleveland. I have not seen fence around the houses, in my country every house has it. But the most surprising things for me were the large stores.
The second day my friend called me,"I will pick you up she said and we go to the mall". I did the same with her when she was visiting her grandmother in Romania, but the size of stores were different, much smaller than here.
First we went to eat, the smell and the taste of food were different from my country's food. Than we visited a store, I don't remember which one, but I do remember was huge. When I went in I felt like somebody who ate a whole birthday cake at once. In on side of store I could smell the fresh vegetables and fruits. There I saw fresh meat, deli counter, dairy products, baked goods. One aisle was filed with frozen foods, other with pastry, other with cosmetics, other with household items and there was a Pharmacy to. Everything was in one store with a lot of other things and everybody had talked English. I tried to understand but I just got a big headache. After that we visited the Great Northern Mall in North Olmsted. I touched everything to feel is it true or a dream. It is a covered street with stores on both sides. In Oreadea we had the same, one uncovered walking street with stores on both sides. In one store are bakery products, the other is a shoe store, in the other are cosmetics... One store is as big as here an aisle in store. That night when I went home my legs hurt, I felt like my head doubled in size probably because my brain received to much information at once. I didn't want to see more stores for a while, but now the Great Northern Mall is my favorite place.
After a few years all this things which surprised me at the beginning became part of my daily life.
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4 comments:
Eva,I like your description. The topic sentence and last sentence are connected. You used a lot of adjectives and five senses.The stores in U.S.A surprised me too. There are a couple of words you might want to double check the spelling.
Good topic and concluding sentence. The sentence about going back to your country is interesting, but not necessary. Focus on ideas that support your main idea.
Excellent use of 5 senses when you describe the mall. I can imagine what you are describing!
Can you find another adjective for huge and big?
"When we finally arrived 'home'in Cleveland. I didn't see fences around the houses, I didn't see fences around the houses."
Topic/Concluding sentences .25
Good
Supporting sentences .15
Many good details, but some are unclear or unnecessary. You can have good examples that are shorter.
5 senses/vocabulary .25
Excellent focus on 5 senses, good variety of adjectives
Grammar/punctuation .20 Good punctuation. Some sentences are incomplete (i.e When we finally arrived home in Cleveland.) Prepositions are difficult to learn, but I think you can improve how you use them.
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