Feb 6, 2007

Surprises Of The Rich Land

There were allot of things surprised me when i first arrived to the United States . Allot of things made me think that the United States is very rich land, and it has allot of surprises. The first thing surprised me here was the high building i saw down town, they were very close to each other and very high, Because back in my country we dont have these kinds of buildings i mean we have buildings but they'er not like this high. The second thing surprised me here was the big cities with the highways inside them. like Chicago, Lois Angelo's and New York. I was in the air plane when i saw Chicago. It was very nice, big city, and it was very bright. For example it took us ten minutes by the train to go from the beginning of the airport to the end of it. That was very interesting for me,because back in my country we have big cities but they're not like the cities in the USA . The third thing surprised me was that there is allot of restaurants here . They make good food. Some of them make fast food. That's a good thing especially for people who don't have time to cook at home. The fourth thing surprised me here was that the water here is different than the water in my country. It doesn't taste good like the one we have in my country. Even the people here are different. They don't care about each other as much as we do in my country. That's really sad . finally and the last thing surprised me here was that in the USA there is many different kinds of weather cold and hot weather..... so people can choose what kind of weather they want and live in the states that have that weather. Back in my country ther's only one kink of weather (hot weather). That's one of the reasons why people moving to the USA....

3 comments:

dany said...

it was ok,you can do better then that.first i want to now more about the think back in your country.to be abel to see the diffrent,and what make you surprised.

ESL Teacher said...

Good organization. You help your reader follow your ideas. You have a lot of ideas. Focus on the three best ideas that you can describe with a lot of detail.

How can you connect your first and last sentence? They need to have similar ideas.

Spelling changes
a lot
high buildings
I capitalized.
Los Angeles
airplane

"The first thing surprised me here was the high building i saw down town, they were very close to each other and very high, Because back in my country we dont have these kinds of buildings i mean we have buildings but they are not like this high." This is one long sentence. You need to make it two or three shorter sentences.

Even the people here are different. They don't care about each other as much as we do in my country. That's really sad. This doesn't relate to water or weather.

ESL Teacher said...

Topic/Concluding sentences: .10 Good first sentence. Connect it to last sentence

Supporting sentences: .20

5 Senses/Vocabulary: .20 check spelling again.

Grammar/Punctuation: .15

See my first comments