When I came to the United States I was surprised by many things such as lifestyle, language, and fashion, but there was one thing that surprised the most. It was the snow in the winter. When I was in my country many people who were living in the United States told me about how the snow looked and felt. They told me that the snow looked white, felt cold, smooth,and melted if you put it in your hand. I was very impressed with their descriptions. I especially thought about how different the winter here in the United States compared with the winter of my country. Instead of having snow in the winter time, in my country we have alot of rain that falls when the sun sets, and the dark clouds cover the sky. When the snow falls you can't hear it unlike the rain in my country that has lots of loud thunder and lightning that looks like fire. At first I was excited to see and touch the snow. The first couple of winters I didn't really like the snow because when it snowed it became too cold and I wasn't used to living in the cold weather. After a while I learned to live with it. Once I got used to the snow the other differences between the United States and El Salvador weren't so difficult to get used to.
3 comments:
Seems to me that the first two sentences and the last two are conected by the five senses. They also have good meanings to me. I noticed that adjectives like "white", "cold", and "melted" are to simple. You may want to find other adjetives that describe the story better.
I like your descriptions of snow and lighting and you use many of the senses.
Great topic and concluding sentences.
I especially thought about how different the winter here in the United States compared with the winter of my country.
Can you think of another work for dark?
I is capitalized.
Topic/Concluding sentences: .25
Supporting sentences: .25 You focus on one idea and give great examples.
5 Senses/ Vocabulary: .25 Excellent
Grammar/Punctuation: .25
You should submit this for the "ESL Voices" contest in a few weeks!
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