We heard about the cold weather and we knew we had to deal with it but I never thought it was going to be so frightening for me until I arrived at O'Hare Airport in Chicago, around midnight. The temperature was 39 degrees. I am not going to forget my first taste of cold weather in Chicago. It was in the fall season many years ago when my family and I decided to move from Puerto Rico to Chicago. We thought we had everything ready to start with our new lives. My father sent the money to a relative to find us an apartment. There was an furnished apartment ready for us when we got there.
It was a beautiful warm day when we left from Puerto Rico to Chicago. The flight went smoothly. I even slept during the flight I wore a white blouse with a light brown jacket and a dark brown skirt. I thought I was warm enough because it was only autumn and I assumed that it would not be so cold yet. I was so far from reality. I did not have any idea how cold the weather would be so cold in Chicago.
I arrived in Chicago in October, but it was not until the April of the following year that I started going out to look for a job. I only went to church on Sundays. The church bus picked me up in the morning and in the evening. When the sermon finished, I flew into the bus. I sat down and looked out the window and I saw everybody happy, laughing and socializing outside in that cold weather. I said to myself "they must have a different kind of skin than me because there is no way that they can be out there as if it is 80 degrees".
However, it was only a matter of time before I was one there with the rest of them laughing, talking and having a good time. Now that I am used to it I could deal better with the cold weather.
3 comments:
I think that smooth, good, and better are good descriptions. You said "The church bus picked up in the morning and in the evening."
Picked who up? I don't understand. Also "my self" should be "myself." I really like how the topic and concluding sentences relate. Heard, taste, and saw were the only words I found that related to the senses. I hope my comments help you improve your paragraph. Good Luck.
Wow! Amazing detail. I feel like I was there with you.
The flight went smoothly.
To make my long story short (this is used in speaking, but not in formal writing)
Two spaces after a period.
Topic/Concluding sentences: .25 Good.
Supporting Sentences: .25 Great!
5 Senses/Vocabulary: .25 Great details I can imagine you at the airport.
Grammar/Punctuation: .25 Make sure every sentence has a period and that you leave two spaces after each period.
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