Feb 4, 2007
The mobile homes
When I came for the first time in America, I was surprised about the mobile homes in Florida. I had heard about mobile homes, but I didn't know how they looked like. They were made out of wood and most of them were white. There were some mobile homes near the place I lived in Florida. There are no mobile homes in my country so I got interested in them. A friend of mine had a mobile home and she invited me over. First, when I walked in, the house was just like any other regular house. It was little but also very pretty. Then, we went in the backyard to take a look at the colorful flowers and we could see a lot of other mobile homes. Next, when I was taking a walk, I saw a big mobile home for sale. It was just painted blue, it smelt good and the garages were very big. It wasnt very expensive like the other houses and I liked it. I asked the owners, " Why arent you taking your mobile homes where you are going? " and they said, " We are going to live at a cheaper place than here." The mobile homes in Florida are very pretty and I want to live in a mobile home where hurricanes don't reach them.
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3 comments:
Good topic and concluding sentence.
Can you think over of the following sentence:
"Why arent you taking your mobil homes where you are going?"
Good topic sentence. Include surprise in concluding sentence.
Excellent details about the mobile homes. I like your transitions.
Topic/Concluding sentences: .15 Connect first and last sentence more
Supporting Sentences: .25 Great examples.
5 Senses/Vocabulary: .25 Excellent.
Grammar/Punctuation: .25 Very clear and easy to follow your sentences because of the grammar. Contraction have an apostrophe (i.e wasn't)
Suggestions for grammar change: I didn't know how they looked or I didn't know what they looked like..
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