Feb 8, 2007

land of surprise

I was so impressed when my dad told us about the trap to USA in summer time. Start to love USA sense I was little child from watching TV but in the same time I was freed to go there and lose all me friend. But all me family the live there and the look like the like it so it seem very difficult to start a new live (I didn’t now if it is a good or bad thing). We arrived to New York City airport at nine clocks in night. We were already late for the flight it is going to take us Cleveland. So we had to go to the hotel, it took us one hour to get to the hotel from the airport because of the traffic.” should take us only twenty minutes” that's what the driver said. The second morning we wakeup at six clock because we had to be in the airport at 8:45. It took us two hour to get to the airport that was the most things surprised me. I start think about how people can live there and travel with the car every day. We got to Cleveland airport and my uncle was waiting for us. When me uncle was driving I ask him if he can stop and get me something to eat. He stopped at the window and he start taken English, then he drove to the second window and give her money and give him a big bag of food and a drink, I was surprised that there were places in Cleveland where you can order food and get it in less than two minutes. Then when we got to my uncle's house. I asked him about his son then he said he moved out when he turned 18. I was shocked to hear that, because back in my country we stay at our parent's house until we get married. Then we start take me and my uncle about school Then my uncle told me I should go back to school because in America you can go back to school any time you want. It was surprising because back in my country if you stop go to school for one month you can not finch after that. On The second day we were sitting out side then my dad told me to go to the store and buy him a cigarette then my uncle said, no he can not because he's under age, but back in my country you can do anything it doesn't matter how old are you. So I do not now if I want to go back to me country. Amerce is the land of every one need to start a now live and want to see every thing at the mint the came out. I love America because it is the land of surprise.

2 comments:

ESL Teacher said...

How are your first and last sentence similar?
Why were you impressed when your dad told you about the trip (because US is land of surprise)?


Good examples and descriptions of your surprises.

Trap - trip
Sense - since
Freed - afraid
me-my (possesive)
live (verb)- life (noun)

"Then we start take me and my uncle about school" This is confusing. Can you make it more clear?

ESL Teacher said...

Topic/Concluding sentence .20 Clear and similiar, but can connect better to all the ideas in the paragraph.

Supporting sentences .15
You have some ideas that are confusing or unnecessary. You could tell about traffic surprise in 2 good sentences.

5 senses/vocabulary .15.
You use lots of details about what you saw. Try to use other senses.

Grammar/punctuation .10
Keep working on spelling and ask native speaker to read your writing with you and look at your spelling.

When you use quotations " ", start with who said it. For example, the driver said "It will take 20 minutes."