I graduated and worked as a lawyer in my country.
I know that I can't work in my profession in this country, but I can help the people to resolve their problems working as a paralegal.
For this reason I would like to become that, but I need to follow several steps: First, I need to learn English very well and now I'm studying in the Tri-C College. I still need two more years to finish this course. The next step I will need to pass a test of spoken English. Then when I pass the test I will apply to a university that has a paralegal degree. Finally, I will need to study for three years to obtain my diploma. After that I will start to look for a job because my best reward will be when the clients tell me thank you for your help and I will be very happy listening these words.
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27 comments:
Hi Sara I think after Tri-C ESL classes you don't need to take TOEFL.
"I will feel very happy"-I think it is I will be very happy.
Hi sara, you write well,but word constrution should be corrected.
You write gain apply .If you write like this, it will give sence.
Not gain It is again
I will apply for the admission.Any way ,you have a great goal.
Sara your paragraph is good I like it but u missing some words in the paragraph. i think it will be better if u put it. In the middle of the paragraph you was saying (two years to finish) i thihk it will be better if u said two more years to finish. In the end of the paragraph u was saying that (i feel very happy listining these words) it should be i feel very happy listening to these words.
Most of your ideas are very clear. You use some good transitions. Here are some small suggestions to improve your paragraph.
I know that I can't work in my profession in this country, but I can help the people to resolve their problems working as a paralegal, for this reason I would like to become that, but I need to follow several steps:
This is a run-on sentence. Please make two sentences.
a test of spoken English
two spaces after periods and 1 space after commas
Then, when I pass the test I will apply to admission to the University that have a paralegal career.
When I pass the test, I will apply to a university that has a paralegal degree.
Nice conclusion, check the grammar.
Topic/Concluding Sentence: .20 Try to connect these more.
Supporting Sentences: Good .25
Transitions/Vocabuary: .20 Try to use another verb besides "need" Some transitions are incorrect
Grammar/Punctuation: .20 The subject change in the last sentence is confusing. You need some commas
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