I have always dreamed about becoming a nurse. Ever since I was in high school it was my goal.
In order to become a nurse first, I must finish ESL and be able to pass a test of Spoken English. Next, I must take prerequisite courses including: biology, math, psychology, chemistry and English. In order to transfer my credits to university, I must earn at least a C in each of my classes. After I complete my prerequisites I must apply to a nursing program. Finaly, The last step to complete the nursing program and become a nurse is passing the boards.
Hopefully, if I follow all of these steps I will reach my goal of becoming a nurse.
9 comments:
After I complete my pre-requisites I must ....., After completing my nursing program the last....( you need comma after time clause)
....becoming a nurse is to pass the boards( is pass th boards)
Nesrin the only thing that I tell you is about the title, you should write How to become a nurse.
I think this is very challenging and caring career. Follow your goal! I suggest check your transition...you repeated twice "After".
Hi Nersin. You choose popular and needful profession. I can give you some advantages to help to improve your writing:
- In sentence “I have always dreamed about becoming a nurse.” First, if you use
“Always” in simple present you can’t use verb in the past. Second, “a nurse” must to be capitalized. So “I have always dream about becoming a Nurse.”
- again “a nurse” -> “a Nurse”
- I think sound better “I must to finish the ESL classes”; “to pass a test of spiking English.”
- When you use transition word “After” on the start of the sentence you must put coma.
- “Hopefully, if I follow all of these steps I will reach my goal of becoming a Nurse.”
You are nice person and I wish you “GOOD LUCK!”
You need to used comma after the time clause
Nesrin it is a good paragraph. i like it because you want to be what you dreamed about and what you really liked . You missing some commas in the paragraph. there is something else in the second sentence you wrote ( Ever since i was in high school it was my goal) it looks better if u said ( It was my dream since I was in the high school ) it's up to you ...
Nesrin I liked your paragraph, I hope that you become a great Nurse.You wrote twice the word then.
Your title is a complete sentence. How could you change it?
Good introduction
first finish ESL classes
No space inbetween pre-requisite
Only classes that relate to language need to be capitalized (i.e. math, biology, English, Spanish)
Where do you need to transfer your credits?
Finally, completing my nursing program the last step to becoming a nurse is to pass the boards.
This sentence is confusing.
This is an alternative. Is it the same idea as your sentence?
The last step to complete the nursing program and become a nurse is passing the boards.
Topic/Concluding Sentence: .25 good
Simple title
Supporting Sentences: .25 Very clear
Transitions/Vocabulary: .20
No comma following "After I complete"
Finally, the last step
Grammar/Punctuation: .25 In order to transfer my credits to university. This is an incomplete sentence. I think you needed a comma instead of a period.
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