How to Become a Nurse
I have a great desire in my life, to serve the people who are in need.Therefore, I was worked with christian service organisations for five years. I was in India, I worked with world vision for four years and one year with compassion Inter national. When i came to United States of America, still I want to continue my services towards people. That's what I choose to do the nursing course. I have approached the counsellor in Cayuga community college for the counselling to achieve my goal. He suggested to do the following courses.
First, I need to Achieve at least high school level English composition. Second,I must
take high school courses that offer a Strong preparation in math and the sciences. Next I have to prepare for the TOEFL exam. Because i am a non - native speakers of English. After I need to take certain prerequisite courses before admission to the nursing programme. Then, I need to submit my high school and college transcripts along with the finished application.After, I have
to submit my high school and college transcripts, along with the finished application. I must, submit include a written essay that describes why I wish to become a nurse and outlines of my career goals. Finally, I will submit my application to the nursing school. After getting my admission, I will complete my course.Then I am going to be a nurse in desired hospitals.
Sivaro Pedavada
8 comments:
You need some transition words.It will help your idea clearer.
hi sivaro
you dont need space in inter national you can write (International)and check the spell of coyuga.
After I need to take
After that I need to take
How to Become a Nurse
How to become a Nurse?
Your title is easy to understand.All sentences are connected to the topic sentence.When I read, every step is connected with the previous step.
Good transitions. Interesting introduction, but remember that you are limited to 12 sentences for this assignment. Consider making your first paragraph a little shorter.
You describe the steps very clearly.
Therefore, I worked..
Check spelling. You used the British spelling for these words.
counsellor
programme
Cayuga
Organizations/Schools are capitalized. You also need to
capitalize i.
When I was in India.
You need to check the tense on this sentence. Part is in past and part is in present tense.
"When i came to United States of America, still I want to continue my services towards people."
That is why I chose to do the nursing course.
You repeat the same sentence twice.
I must submit a written essay..(no comma (,)after must)
You describe the steps very clearly.
Topic/Concluding Sentence: .15
Supporting Sentences: .15
Transitions/Vocabuary:.25
Grammar/Punctuation: .10
See first comments
People should read this.
Post a Comment