When I arrived to the United States at the first time I surprised about many things.
However, the first thing I noticed was that cities are different from cities
in my country.Everything looks hugely here and there is very much
space everywhere.There is a lot of pleasure grounds and playing fields.
I observed the different architecture,wide streets,the large shopping
mall and comfortable parking lots.The people must go by car nearly
everywhere,because of large spaces.
In my country the cities have more closely structure,because not have
as much space as needful.To many places we can go walking.
2 comments:
Margaret,
You didn't publish this to the website, so I published it so I could give you comments.
Good examples of things you noticed.
When I arrived to the United States the first time I was surprised about many things.
However,the first thing I found at sight. This is confusing. Can you explain more.
seems huge.
shopping malls (no capitalization)
In my country the cities are more consistent and not have as much space as needful. consistent is confusing in this sentence. Can you think of another word?
Topic/Concluding sentences: .15 You have a good topic sentence, but no concluding sentence
Supporting Sentences: .15 You made some good changes to make your ideas more clear. There are still some ideas you can explain more to help your readers.
5 Senses/Vocabulary: .20 You use some nice adjectives. Try describing other senses besides things you see.
Grammar/Punctuation: .20 Focus on the subject and verb agreeing (i.e There are a lot of playing grounds)
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